Starting over again

This is my first post on my first blog and as the title indicates, its about a journey that I have been on since I was a little girl. Its not a happy journey, or an exciting journey, its the struggle of my life... the struggle to lose weight. It started as far back as I can remember, the day that I realised I didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror. The day I realised that my face was rounder and I didn't like how my clothing fit me. I hated the comments from other people that stung more emotionally than a physical  blow ever could. People probably not meaning much harm but thought they would state the obvious.The chubby one, fat, bigger, all words that I hated. 

     Now that I am older and i look back at pics of me then, I realise that I was not much bigger than my own little boy, who I certainly don't think has a weight problem. Weight isn't even an issue on his radar yet  (thank goodness), but when I was his age I was consumed with it.I saw myself in a blown up distorted reality, feeling like the biggest girl in the world, a self fulfilling prophecy that led me to the situation that I'm in today. I went on self imposed diets starting in grade three. I would resort to tactics of feeding my sandwiches that my parents had packed for my lunch to my dog Sheba before I left for school in the morning. Of course this never worked for me, it just made me really hungry by the time I got home from school which made me eat more after school. Sheba was always happy for the morning snack though. Aweee this made me think about Sheba... and now I miss her! 
     So begins my unhealthy relationship with food. I loved food, but I hated it. I loved how food tasted, but I hated how it made me feel after I ate it. I loved eating, but I hated eating. Not much has changed, but I am working on it. 
     Which leads me to my this new chapter of my life. I have been referred for weight loss surgery, scariest choice I have ever made, but I think its the right choice just the same. I have contacted a personal trainer who is going to help me lose the extra thirty pounds I need to lose before I have my surgery, and I will  hopefully continue to lose so I will be as strong as I can be before I actually have the operation.
     I know this is a really personal topic to write about and share with the world... (or the few people on my friend list that click the link out of curiosity) but I don't think I am alone in this struggle, so maybe my story may help someone else out there who decides to read it. So on to the next part of life, weight loss surgery and hopefully rapid weight loss. I'm inviting you along for the journey with me, I could use the company!