Friday, 5 February 2016
I have been giving myself a bit of a hard time lately. I am currently around fifty pounds away from a surgery to remove some slack skin that is absolutely making me miserable. The slack skin on the bottom portion of my stomach makes me miserable every day of my life. Getting dressed is a frustrating occurrence every morning and if I happen to see it in my clothes out of the corner of my eye in a mirror somewhere I get get really really angry at myself. The surgery I am hoping to get is called an panniculectomy. I have met with the plastic surgeon and he has given me a weight loss point to work towards before I can have the surgery. Last fifty pounds... brutal!!! I have been working hard and eating right (most of the time) and it seems my body wants to stay at this weight!! (even my body is stubborn). Also I have been comparing again, I have been googling how much people lose after surgery and seeing how fabulous and SKINNY people have gotten. I really feel that I should be skinny now and I am far from there and its annoying me! So I keep reminding myself how much more I weighed than a lot of people I follow that had the surgery (I follow and am in contact with a bunch of people who had the surgery that I connected with through this blog and Instagram),and its very difficult not to be jealous. I also keep reminding myself how that I have lost one hundred and seventy pounds and not to let that drift to the back of my mind like it does most days. My old life is quite different than the life I am living now. I went out on a date with three men this week (two different dates) the first one with the sweetest boys and the second with my love. Mine and Bills dates usually consisted of going out to eat, or going to a movie where I would eat copious amounts of popcorn and snacks, but there is no doubt that it involved eating a lot of food. We decided to go out this week and tossed around our regular ideas and finally decided to go night time snow shoeing... and it was fabulous. (both dates) The old Amanda could never, and would never have done that. It wouldn't have even been on my radar. I like my new life, I like that my clothes fit me better, and I like that the worst part of my walk tonight was the fact that the snow pants I wore last week that fit me fine were falling off me tonight. Some things are changing... may not be registering on the scales but things are changing. I took the advice of my trainer and got bill to hide my weight scales and have stopped the weighing obsession. This made things a little better. So I am working out almost every day (almost), seeing a trainer once a week who really challenges me in things I think I am not capable of doing... I came back from meeting with her one week and walked through the door and looked at bill and said "im skinny now arent I?!?" to which he replied "I dont know how to answer that question" and I took that as his answer! So that's where I am now, Im STILL fifty pounds from my goal, but my clothes are looser and people are telling me they see a difference in me again! (yay) So im not where I wanted to be at this point, but im still working on it, ill keep you posted!!