Wednesday, 19 July 2017

One More Mountain

Hey All!! So I know its been a while since I upadated, a very long while! Im still trudging on! Im going to share some pics with you of our latest adventure! Only James, Bill, and myself went this time, we shielded little Micah from all this drama! Yesterday's adventure was Blomidon mountain/copper mine trail. (disclaimer: we actually dont know the name of the mountain, but we have heard people call it this!) Just to back track a little, last year we all did Gros Morne! Isn't she lovely! Prior to climbing Gros Morne I had been getting ready for the tele ten, which included lots, (AND LOTS!!) of walking. This year we decided to climb a mountain, and just did it! Were so implusive, were not smart, but we are impulsive. There are days when I feel super strong, and for want of a better word... cocky! But then there are times, like yesterday, when i get halfway down a mountain after climbing it... and have a monumental, and quite impressive meltdown. "What makes me think I can do things like this??" "This is the last hike of my life!" "im going to cancel my follow up appointments with the plastic surgeoen, i cant do anything!" "I knew that dog biting me was a bad omen!" Oh Yeah a dog bit me on the back of my leg! and my favorite part of the meltdown, "you two go on and leave me, I like it here, maybe ill stay!!" Bill and James are seriously patient and wonderful. In all honesty, I would have left me. But we finnished, with possible heat exhaustion (it was 32 degrees), a throbbing headache, bruised legs, a dog bite, and bragging rights. And of course, the chance to see this view! Excuse the selfie stick, the sun was in our eyes and we couldn't see. We even got Bill in some pictures, he was shaking because he is deathly afraid of heights. We were very proud of him. As for how things are going with the rest of my journey, well... I saw the plastic surgeon again. I am still not ready for skin removal surgery yet. My BMI needs to be at 30 and mine isn't yet. He was very postivie about my progress but I am still not ready. So Im still trudging on. I still have good and bad days with food. Im still working with a trainer who continues to challenge me to do things I could never do. And I am sure that I complain more than any other client in the history of all time. (she is very patient!) I have been trying to look at my relationship with food differently, I have been trying to understand why my triggers are what they are. I have come to realize that I eat compulsively, and surgery cant fix that. They operated on my stomach, not my brain. So I have referred mysself for counselling again and have started the process over, it seems to be going well. So I have a trainer, a counsellor, a variety of friends and family checking in, I have a support system in place! The timeline I set up for myself and my life is no where near where I wanted it to be. It seems this process is more tangled, detailed and deeper than I thought. This is quite a journey, and I am proud of where I am. I am trying to love the body I am in, slack skin, current BMI, the face that I own, all of it. This body has done amazing things, and deserves to be honoured for it. I have a couple of pics left to share with you. When I am in pics I size them up, and if they make the cut, at every angle, then the public may view. If a roll is showing, or an unflattering angle of something is showing the wrong way, it gets disposed of. I found these two and was ready to delete them because of a roll and back fat. Then I decided not to. This is how I look, and this is the body that has carried me up a few mountains. And this body is fine. Love yourself people. There are enough people in the world that will hurt you and put you down, so make sure you love yourself. And if you find yourself in the middle of an epic, impressive, monumental meltdown, put your wonderwoman tights on and keep going!!!

1 comment:

  1. I really enjoy reading your blog posts! You have come such a long way, your transformation is epic and your determination is inspiring! I love to hike but hardly ever go, because 1.) no one else i know likes hiking/no one will go with me! 2.) because i know it will be challenging and sometimes my daily life is challenging enough.

    Tell Bill i said not to be such a wuss!! HA! kidding! Im afraid of heights as well. :P