Friday, 3 July 2015

My Evolution

I feel like I am constantly evolving. I guess we all are. We are all works in progress and any life changes can alter us, change us. Well my life decision two years ago, set in motion a huge change that has altered me so much that there are days that I don't recognise myself, and I don't only mean physically. This surgery has changed more than my body, my health, and my energy level. I truly don't feel like the same person any more. For example, I have always had really long, , usually dark, very straight hair. this has been a staple of the Amanda look. I have decided to throw this one in as a treat for you... and you have no idea the amount of hairspray it took to maintain this look. It was quite a process, believe me!!
Long hair has always been my security blanket. It was a cover that I used to hide behind. I always felt that if I had long super straight hair people couldn't see how big my face had gotten. I had a feeling that I was hidden. I felt there was a fat roll on the back of my neck that needed long hair to cover it. I felt that maybe my hair would be enough for people to see and then maybe they would not notice what lay beneath it... goodness this blog is getting depressing again, depressing but true I guess. I made myself believe that I kept my hair long because Bill liked it that way, knowing full well that he would like what ever I did. (with that said he was a fan of long hair). I remember the first time I ever cut any length off my hair, I was in grade five and I cut it over my shoulders in a bob. For months every time my Pop would see me he would say "theres the girl with the pretty hair". that memory always makes me smile. Out of necessity since my surgery I have had to let some of the length go. It seemed to happen in stages. My hair got thin, probably because I wasn't taking in enough protein, and it looked yucky to me. So I got my (AWESOME) hairdresser to cut some of the length.
Then I felt it was still then so we went shorter.
I had made a vow to myself that If I ever lost a hundred pounds I would treat myself to blonde hair, so we did that too... cutting more off in the process.
Well now my hair is SHORT, with an awesome dark streak in the front that I love. I feel so liberated. Its so freeing to rid yourself of something that is holding you back, and for me my hair was holding me back, because I used it as something to hide behind. It was a veil. Don't get me wrong, U still love long hair and will probably grow mine out again someday, but I feel like I have stepped out from behind a curtain with this change. I cant hide behind my hair now...
nor do I need to. The veil is gone. So this is me being honest again, I always will be! I meet with the plastic surgeon at the end of this month. Ill keep you posted. Maybe a reason I loved long, straight, dark hair may have something to do with genetics though. My mom... so pretty!