The Birthday Pity Party!

Happy birthday to me. Today I'm 36. At thirty six years old I can boast and say that I have a wonderful family, cool job, nice car, nice apartment/house, the most gorgeous children you could have ever imagined, an education, sweetest husband that loves me no matter what I am, amazing friends, the coolest as well as beautiful nieces and nephews, wonderful parents, a lovely little kitten that I adore... so many things to be so thankful for and I woke up thinking "I cant even eat on my birthday... what a horrible day, poor me!" (imagine me with my bottom lip stuck out) The liquid diet has been grueling for me, and I'm only on my fifth day. I'm hungry, have a headache, I'm cranky, and I am ashamed to admit what i would do for one potato chip! What I am surprised to find about myself on this liquid diet is that I am so emotional. I feel almost lonely. Is food that important to me that I miss it like a friend. I guess it turns out food is my oldest friend. One that I both love and hate. I'm feeling quite isolated and sad. I wish I could explain what it feels like but I cant quite put my finger on what emotion it is other than lonely. I'm trying honestly to explain what this part of the process is like for me, it has not been easy, but its for the bigger reward and that is what I cant seem to keep in the forefront of my mind. The thought of eating another bowl of soup makes me want to vomit. (hope i don't gross you out) My stomach rolls every time I think about eating something now...actually correction, my stomach rolls when I think about eating something i'm supposed to be eating, i could easily devour a hot dog or hamburger, or a salad even! In my mind I know that this is something very important that I am doing for myself and that if I cheat or quit I am sabotaging myself in a major way... but the impulsive wanna eat and chew is overpowering. I have spoken to some people who have gone through the same diet and found it a breeze. So what is wrong with me then? I thought this would be a breeze for me as well. I can do a fifty day detox of sugar and processed foods no problem because its in the short term. This is short term as well but its really getting to me. well this is a depressing blog! but its honest. Ill update you further as i go along. This is where i am in the process to date. oh and I started this blog yesterday so its no longer my birthday. And on a positive note (finally!!!!!) I have lost nine pounds in five days.