Thursday, 30 August 2012

The Great Cover Up

While rifling through my closet today I noticed something strange. I have lots of shirts, some dresses, a few pairs of pants, and TONNES of cover ups! For me a cover up is a piece of clothing that covers up issues with my body.For instance, I love tank tops but I have arm issues so I will wear tank or halter tops and then to cover up my arms will put on a sweater or shrug, and in the process I cover up my pretty shirt. Also I have major stomach issues. If I have somthing on and I pass a mirror and happen to see my stomach I instantly need to find something to cover it up! In the process I end up covering up a pretty shirt or dress. I tried to pin point the time when I began wearing all these sweaters and shrugs, and I came to the conclusion that it was in university. I had a long black vest (i know that sounds hilarious) and I felt like it covered my behind so I wore it quite often, then i looked for other things to cover up issues. I was getting ready to go out with a couple of friends when my friends mother commented on my vest saying, "you look nice Amanda, that vest covers up a lot of flaws" At the time I didn't take this as an insult but thinking back on it it makes me wonder if it has added to my cover up addiction, which has become this
Im still waiting for my call for orientation for surgery. It seems like a dream at the moment. There is a long waiting list and to be honest i'm not sure where i am on it, it may be months away or a year away. I just pray that i can keep my BMI in surgery range, it has been a struggle. I have been doing ok with my wieght but not excellent. I have maintained... no thats not true, I have gained five pounds but in my world that feels like nothing. I keep looking forward to the day when i wont have to cover up anymore. To dress how i want to dress and not worry about what is hanging out. I know in my heart that i don't have to cover up now but my mind wont let me go there... so what do you think, to cover up or not to cover up. I wonder can my self esteem handle uncovering?

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