Tuesday, 20 October 2015
I promised a while ago that I would discuss my visit with the plastic surgeon, and I think it has taken me this long to gear myself up to actually share this part of the journey with you. I met with the surgeon before this summer and it was a very eye opening meeting. I had been given a heads up by several people who had gone to see the specific doctor that I was seeing that he was very blunt and to the point. Not sure if all of you that read my blog can tell, but I am an often insecure quiet person who has a tendency to cry a lot. Goodness... what a way to describe myself! But sadly, its true. Before I can say what I need to say when I am offended or criticized in some way, there is an inevitable bout of crying that needs to occur. I think its genetic because its involuntary and hasn't changed since i was about ten. So I know going into this meeting that I had not lost the amount of weight I wanted to lose, also that I was not in the range that this plastic surgeon required to do this particular surgery, so I already knew the surgery was not going to happen right away. I did want some questions answered so I geared myself up and went in to the appointment. When I checked in the guy at the desk told me I had a bit of a wait and I had gone super early because I was so nervous. The waiting room was absolutely packed. I ended up having no wait time at all... i was called in in about five minutes. The guy who brought me to the room tossed a gown on the bed and said "put this on" and before I had a chance to turn around he was gone. He didn't say get undressed from here or take this off... he just left. So for a few minutes I stood staring at the gown thinking "ummmmm what now." Finally I put the gown on and waited... and waited... and waited. I think the wait was so long because i felt so uncomfortable. Nothing about this whole process from the first referral has been easy. It wasn't easy to go to my doctor and tell him I needed surgery because I weighed four hundred pounds, it wasn't easy to be put to sleep and have someone remove over half of my stomach, it wasn't easy to learn how to eat all over again, it wasn't easy to realize that all those triggers and bad habits were still in the back of my mind waiting to rear its ugly head again, and its not easy to stand in front of someone and show them your body... when you are insecure and tend to cry when you are criticized. (and when you have spent over thirty years covering your body so that no one will notice it) with that all said i did it. The plastic surgeon was very blunt and to the point, but so was I. He answered every question I had, and I had a lot. There is no point in going half way and turning back because you are embarrassed or scared of what people are going to say to you. Blunt and to the point but completely honest, I need to lose another fifty pounds for him to consider me, eighty would be best but he will strongly consider it at fifty. Whats fifty pounds after one hundred and seventy... oh about a million. Have you ever blown a balloon up really big and then put a tiny little hole in it and watch it deflate.... well that's what I felt like... also he told me that one of my major issues (my personal issue) my back fat, cant be fixed in nl. (balloon got popped) in order to have that fixed i would have to leave the province, the trunk lift is not done in NL. (remember me telling you all about the back boobies... well them.) Then just for good measure he informed me that I had a weight gain of thirty pounds. (set balloon on fire) I had a panic attack. I held my composure together and said that no I had not gained any weight and he didn't really mention it after. After my appointment with this doctor I had a visit with my surgical team who assured me that according to their notes I had not gained any weight, I was doing fabulous, I was healthy, and following the plan. In the long run that's what matters. I'm healthy. The thirty pound weight gain was due to a rounding up of my bmi (seriously rounding up!!) and who knows what else, but they have been monitoring me for two years so i trust them. But If I were to think about the apt and what I took from it... id say overall it was positive. Ok fifty pounds... its a lot, it feels like im starting from scratch again because its so much harder to lose now. I was told in my apt that it would be much harder to lose now as well. But I had all my questions answered by someone who was respectful, explained fully what is expected of me, explained to me what my skin will have to be like to have it removed, and explained why it cant be done now. I guess i cant ask for much more than that. Im pretty sure the old Amanda would have cried. Actually Im positive the old Amanda would have cried. so I am back with a new goal of fifty pounds. I have been working with a trainer who has been helping me with my food and exercise, she even designed a plan that I can do at work. (so I have no more excuses) Its game on again. I have lost five pounds of my fifty, only forty five more to go!! (that's if I aim for the fifty instead of eighty... oh my!!) Keep reading and ill keep you posted. Have a marvelous week all you lovely people.