My Official One Year

So I met with my team yesterday for my one year follow up appointment, actually its four months late because I have had to keep rescheduling it. It went really well. Im pleased at how pleased they were. I do feel somewhat disappointed in a few things though. let me explain, I have lost one hundred and thirty two pounds since the day of my surgery. I have lost one hundred and forty six since two weeks before my surgery. I have lost one hundred and sixty six pounds since before my referral. Its amazing and when I write it I cant hardly believe it, but yet I am disappointed. I look down and still see a stomach that annoys me. I could be referred to plastic surgery but my BMI is still too high so I told the team not to bother yet. I have sixty pounds to lose to reach my goal. That sixty pounds is so small compared to the one hundred and sixty I have already lost, but its still between me and my goal. I checked my BMI the other day.. a number that is very important to weight loss surgery patients before surgery because if its too high you cant have the surgery until it is lowered (and i started out at a bmi of 67, seven points too high for the surgery) and the bmi calculator told me that to get to my optimum weight I still need to lose between 23 and 60 Kgs. KILOGRAMS!!! that's well over a hundred pounds. Its disheartening. I lost sight of the point that I have lowered my BMI by by twenty six points. I mentioned this to the team and they told me these calculations do not take into account where I came from. I know that from here on out things will be harder. It will be hard to lose weight again. So Im kind of disappointed and kind of not disappointed if that makes any sense. proud of where ive come from but not quite happy with where I am. Maybe I may have to let go of the idea of perfection in my head. There is a weight and a look that I want to be... and realistically I may not ever achieve it... but I have achieved a one hundred and sixty pound weight loss. I realized today what my body has been through... its been through a war. I have abused it for thirty six years, then I cut out over half of its stomach, made it survive on less eight hundred calories a day, filled it full of scars, shocked it completely by working out after spending years not walking further than my house to the car, Its been trough a lot, and who am I to abuse it further by not embracing where it is now. Sure Im not finished, but I have come a long way. So if you are like me and are in the midst of a life change and your body hasn't caught up to where your mind sees it, don't be too hard on it, love what you have!