WHAT!!???!!!

Ever have one of those moments when you hear something and you are like... WHAT??!!?? No other words seem to describe what you have heard because its so shocking. well welcome my week. I had a routine eye appointment at which I figured I would find out that my eye was fine and my lost vision would come back soon... surely my eye must be bionic by now with all the steroids I have been putting in it. Sitting across from my opthamologist waiting for him to tell me I was fine, but instead I hear him say that i have cataracts. Cataracts... seriously my grandmother just had a cataract removed. How did this happen? So now I waiting for another surgery (and id like to mention that someone told me you can smell burning while having they eye surgery done... and I don't even know what to say to that) so here i am again waiting waiting, waiting. This may not make sense to a lot of you but i blame my eating for this too. I found out a few years ago that I have an auto immune disorder which likes to attack my eye with inflammation, this has caused me to have vision problems for the past few years. The thing is when I am eating a specific diet plan a lot of my problems with inflammation goes away, but that takes sugar, and all processed food from my life. I have been doing the sugar detox for a while now have lost some weight, thirteen pounds (yo yo) but lately it seems like one step forward with my weight and two steps back. Now here I am waiting for a surgery where they will take eighty percent of my stomach and a cataract from my eye and I have no idea when either will take place. So its safe to say I feel like im in a endless tunnel of waiting. So I think I need to find something to do to encourage myself... any suggestions? oh well clean eating it is for the next little while. I would to have some company on the journey... any takers :)

Good bye sugar... ill miss you. So this is where i am right now, ill keep you updated.

Just Checking In

I have been trying very hard lately (with great difficulty) to remain below my surgery requirement weight. It has been almost a year of waiting now, and I am pretty sure I have almost that much time left to wait, or more. It can get frustrating and discouraging after a while. Summer was especially difficult to remain on tract because I had been working permanent nights and, still am. The last thing you want to do when you wake up at two pm is make a healthy meal, and at two am, you want to eat to stay awake, and of course get rid of that yucky feeling in the pit of your stomach. So the summer has been difficult. Another thing I have been dealing with is a pesky problem of inflammation. This has been plaguing me for several years. Strange red inflamed spots on my skin that leave behind ugly bruises. I have had several tests done to see what the problem is but the results are always normal. Whats not normal are the ugly disfiguring marks on my body. I have come to realize that the food i eat trigger these problems. When i eat a lot of sugar (ahem, night shifts) the problem always gets worst. A few years back i went on a processed food and sugar detox. I simply cut it from my life, and I was a new person. NO inflammation, enormous weight loss, and energy to burn. So why you ask (im sure you are all wondering) did I start eating it again... because that is my pattern. I do well then i must punish myself. I am a member of the 95 percent of people who gain back their weight and go back to bad lifestyles... I am aware of this. Some people may call it stupid or moronic or say its my own fault, i call it an addiction. So i'm back on the sugar detox again! My legs and my eye got really bad again so I knew I needed to do something. I'm a week in now and feeling FANTASTIC. No chemicals, locally grown veggies, lots of chicken and fish. I wish I could do it forever, but again, I know my pattern.

Another thing i am struggling with is emotional eating. I recently got some devastating news. News that hit me like a sledge hammer in the stomach. Time for mcdonalds to wipe my tears. well not this time. I'm sticking to my detox plan and taking it day by day. I'm trying to find better ways to cope with my hurt, I've been talking to friends and family, singing (its been a long time), writing, and just finding other things to do. Mary Browns and Mcdonalds are taking a back seat to goji pop tea with unpasteurized honey. I have enough self awareness to know my pattern and know that I can slip back in a second, hence the need for surgery, but i thought id share with you where I am right now... always good to have some friends to talk to. Happy thanksgiving everyone, I hope today finds you as blessed as I am. I have the sweetest boys in the world...all three of them. Who could ask for anything more.